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avengers-accessorize asked:

What do you even need 45,000 copies of me for anyways?

Well…

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It started out simple enough. Just trying to spice up the marriage, expand the nighttime servers so to speak. But life kept interrupting the hanky-panky. Mainly the kinds of chores my sons were supposed to handle, y’know? Cooking, cleaning, political assassinations, taxes, building extensions onto the evil sea lab, all that jazz.

At first I just kept building more brides to deal with it, but then the entire labor caste started nagging for better conditions. So, I had to build a union caste to give me the TL;DR. Which of course led to a mechanic caste for workplace injuries, a religious caste for pondering electric sheep related questions, a women’s basketball caste for morale, and on, and on, and on.

Long story short, I took one night off to go drinking with Kang the Conqueror, and when I got back my fucking house was gone. All they left was a note, said in my absence they’d formed the perfect autonomous libertarian matriarchy or some shit. So those fucking succubi blasted the entire evil sea lab into space and turned it into a non-profit organization, providing aid to the victims of a certain Phalanx incident. Which they’re able to fund on account of my alimony, which is approximately 5.688 * 10^23 metric tons of platinum. Per month.

They can’t lie though. They still love my ass.

Anonymous

Anonymous asked:

You can see each avenger's strategic weakness, but can you see why kids love the taste of cinnamon toast crunch?

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Wheat WholeSugarRice FlourCanola OilRice Bran OilFructoseMaltodextrinDextroseSaltCalcium CarbonateCinnamonSoy LecithinTrisodium Phosphate, Caramel colorAnnatto Extract ColorZinc,IronVitamin CNiacin Vitamin B3Pyridoxine Vitamin B6Riboflavin Vitamin B2Thiamin Vitamin B1Vitamin A, Flavor enhancersFolic Acid Vitamin B9, Milk non fat,Vitamin B12, Plutonium nanite servantsTo Preserve FreshnessVitamin D

Bitch.

avengers-accessorize asked:

Looks like they've cut us both from Hank's life. At least you're still getting a movie :/

Lets be honest, rejection from Pym’s nothing new. The important thing is you still get to experience the miracle of motherhood. Say what you will about my idiot sons, but there’s no greater feeling than creating a new family.

…Speaking of, would it be weird if I put the moves on Hope? Like, on a scale of Arrested Development to Game of Thrones, how incesty? I ask for purely academic purposes.

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